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We smell, we bicker, we weep at middle-aged ladies singing about dreams on television, we start wars, we poison our atmosphere, we give all our money to crooked men and we live for only 70 years. Not only that but, as a race, we have no consistency of mood. You can't say to an alien, "You'll find human beings are kind, warm and charming" but nor can you say, "You'll find human beings are suspicious, chilly and hostile." We are many things, but mostly we're capricious and perverse. In Star Trek's fourth season, Soval, the Vulcan ambassador to Earth, lays it on the line:"We don't know what to do about humans. Of all the species we've made contact with, yours is the only one we can't define. You have the arrogance of Andorians, the stubborn pride of Tellarites.

The Vulcans - Wikipedia

One moment you're as driven by your emotions as Klingons, and the next, you confound us by suddenly embracing logic."How much better it would be if earthlings were as simple as the intergalactic races invented by writers of science fiction! From their earliest experiments with utopias, writers have invented races which are defined by simple, sometimes monolithic, traits. Jonathan Swift's Gulliver, in the land of the Houyhnhnms, found that the horses were all calm, logical and passionless, while the Yahoos were uniformly savage, filthy and given to crapping on strangers.

HG Wells's Time Traveller fast-forwarded through Earth-time to AD 802701, to discover that humans had become Eloi, a race of herbivorous humanoid rabbits who are preyed on by Morlocks, equally undifferentiated fur-covered humanoid savages. In Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the Guide defines the Vogon race with dismissive curtness: "Vogons are extremely ugly, extremely officious and generally not much fun to be around... They generally become bureaucrats in the galactic government.

Their unpleasant demeanour makes them ideally suited to such employment."Star Trek introduced a Sixties audience to scores of new interplanetary races in the course of its 40-year reign. At its heart, however, lay a relationship between a human (James T Kirk, played by William Shatner) and a half-Vulcan (Mr Spock played by Leonard Nimoy,) the former brave, headstrong and passionate, the latter cool, judicious and sensible. The dynamic of many episodes lay in the different approaches taken by each man to whatever galactic crisis lay before them. As the new film of Star Trek hits the nation's screens, the friendly rivalry of Kirk and Spock (now played by Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto) continues the heart-versus-head moral struggle. But what, after four decades, do we know about the Vulcans who provide a constant corrective to the Earthling point of view? The first thing to know about Vulcans is that they're not natural paragons of emotionless logic. Their natural disposition, we learn in the original TV series, is erratic, volatile and quick to anger.

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Like certain Glaswegians, they can move from icy calm to homicidal rage in seconds. They have to police their natural feelings by superhuman mind control. Clearly this is something earthlings should emulate, especially when caught in the current half-hour traffic jam around Parliament Square.

Some Vulcans strive to eliminate all emotions from their make-up by undergoing the Kohlinar discipline, a purging of all feelings, learned at the feet of the Vulcan masters. In an early episode, Spock goes on the course, but fails it because he feels a vestigial stirring of emotion for something from the V'Ger Entity (but let us not go down that murky galactic path.) The point about Spock is that he's half-Vulcan, the offspring of a human schoolteacher called Amanda Grayson, and a Vulcan father, Sarek.   His human blood is always in danger of letting down his striving for unemotional clarity. Many viewers have wondered over the years about Spock and romance.  

Leonard Nimoy, who played Spock from the pilot to the new movie (in which he plays 'Old Spock,') described his character as, "struggling to maintain a Vulcan attitude, a Vulcan philosophical posture and a Vulcan logic, opposing what was fighting him internally, which was human emotion."It's significant that the Vulcan word for emotion-purging is 'arei'mnu,' which means 'control of emotion'; the ideal Vulcan mindset, then, is an iron discipline about feelings - a rather Buddhist freeing of the self from disturbing impulses. Could someone so chilly and logical ever fall victim to the dizzying enslavement of love? If they give in to their feelings, Vulcans don't indulge in brutality. Could we imagine his pointy-eared, black-fringed face wreathed in foolish adoration as he proposes to a Vulcan babe?

Their philosophy embraces non-violent engagement – but if their opponents fail to see sense, they're not above a little martial arts, characterised by the crisp manoeuvre called the Vulcan nerve pinch, which involves a tiny clasping of the neck's subclavian nerve, strangely similar to the karate chop which rendered scores of burly opponents unconscious in 1960s TV shows such as The Man from U. Again, we probably misunderstand the nature of Vulcans. They marry in order to procreate, a course of action much favoured for centuries by the Catholic church. Their marriages are arranged by the parents, a tradition popular with the Hindu faith.

Vulcans Are Afraid of Humans - Enterprise Clip - YouTube

But unlike Catholic and Hindu practice, the betrothal bond can be cancelled if a rival Vulcan male challenges the bonded male. The outcome is either a fight to the death, called 'Koon-ut-kal-if-fee', or the challenged fiancé can simply release his proposed bride and choose another. Female fiancées do not seem to share this privilege, but the Vulcan approach to civil partnership is refreshingly liberal and dramatic. Should you fight to the death to hold onto your fiancée, or dump her and choose a different one? That should sort the human romantics from their Vulcan counterparts. Because they embrace logic over feelings, Vulcans experience sex only every seven years, as a torrential mating impulse called 'pon farr'; this explosive, seven-year mega-itch means you have to find a sex partner, or die in the attempt. But if the mate you had in mind (like Spock's much-fancied T'Pring, who preferred the pure-bred Vulcan Stonn) goes off with someone else, you can cheat death through intense meditation, extreme violence or by receiving a terrible shock. This sexual characteristic seems far from ideal – what if your favourite partner's 'pon farr' doesn't coincide with your own? After your seven years of abstinence, are you expected to mate with the first person you see?

The closest thing to finding love, in Vulcan circles, is telepathic bonding, or 'mind-melding' in which one person's thoughts and knowledge can all be shared with another. It's an extreme, accelerated version of what humans call 'bonding sessions,' or that period of discovering how closely you share interests and passions with someone whom you newly call a 'soulmate'.